How do family patterns affect your relationships?

Over the past week, a theme has been consistent in sessions and conversations: we’re projecting old identities and relationship dynamics onto those around us. I’ve had a dozen conversations about how we often don’t see people for who they truly are - we see echoes of the past layered over them.

Let’s break this down.

Our childhoods form the foundation for how we see the world. Our mothers (or mother figures) often shape how we perceive women, girls, intuition, receiving, and even the feminine - both positively and negatively. The way we experienced father figures affects how we relate to boys, men, institutions, money, support, authority, and the masculine.

If those early relationships were healthy, respectful, kind, and compassionate, we carry a clearer lens through which to view others. But if there were inevitable issues (we’re all human!), then our lens may be fogged with static - extra noise, blind spots, and distortions.

I was listening to a podcast recently, and one of the hosts joked that he was purely made of blind spots. It made me laugh at the time, but also got me thinking: How many blind spots are we missing? And how do they influence our relationships?

The reality is that these old traumas and misunderstandings can affect every connection we have.

If a sibling was difficult to understand, you might find friendships confusing or challenging. If a grandparent was emotionally closed off, you may feel ungrounded or unsupported in life. It’s not just our parents who shape us - it’s the entire family dynamic that informs how we relate to the world.

Take a moment to reflect on your closest relationships, those in your inner and middle circles. Are there people who remind you a little too much of your mother? Do you catch yourself repeating patterns you had with the males in your family?

You might be attracting similar people into your life. Or, you may simply have a hard time seeing them clearly, because you’re unconsciously assuming how they see the world, how they speak, behave, or respond.

Maybe your boss isn’t as hard to get along with as you thought. Maybe you’re not really in competition with your colleagues. Is it possible that some of the conflict you experience is a projection of old stories - and could begin to resolve by shifting your perspective?

I encourage you to spend some time over the coming days meditating on the following:

• Are there common themes with men or women that began with my parents or parent figures?
  What needs to heal in order to clear this lens?

• Are the lines blurred between friends, acquaintances, or teammates?
  Where or when might this have started?

• Instead of laying a layer of history over my relationships, how could I see more clearly, and respond in new ways?

• What would my life be like if I could see people for who they really are, rather than through the unhealed cycles within me?
  And what would it take to heal those cycles?

For me, healing is about clearing the lens, and creating spaciousness for higher truth. When we do this, our connections improve. We see and hear more. The trauma begins to resolve itself.

The work isn’t always easy, but everything in your life will improve when you courageously face the truth: so much of our suffering comes from the past. And when we’re willing to shift, it benefits everyone.

I’d love to hear what this brings up for you.
Sending blessings for clear perception, and resolution of your blind spots.

-Jennifer

P.S. Our Ancestral Weekend Event is rapidly approaching and spaces are filling! You can learn more about it HERE